The tipping point, the straw that broke the camel’s back, whatever you want to call it, it happens to everyone. I hit my tipping point today. My month has included stressing over school, the loss of a family member, (im)patience in friendships, schedule craziness, and family frustrations. I’ve gotten pretty good at the whole, “Yeah, everything’s fantastic!” -painted on smile- When really, I’m so worn. So, what was my tipping point?
A couple of months ago, I decided to use my old journals and “recycle” them into a collage. Basically, I threw them all away. Today, it made me so sad to see those empty pages and lost memories that I just lost my whole it’s-all-good-so-stop-asking attitude. Let the tears flow. Gasping prayers of frustrations that should’ve been long gone pushed their way out. I was pretty much a mess.
I find myself frustrated that I build up so much junk before I spill it everywhere. I’m like one of those huge buckets at water parks that fill up slowly and then dump gallons of water on you. It would make so much more sense to just deal with the issues and then go on with life right? So what up?
I don’t belong to this world, and it keeps trying to pull me back. I’ve fallen into the trap of, “It’s all good. (Just kidding, but y’know.)” so many times. I have a hard time trusting, and I tend to guilt myself out of spending emotion on issues. But guess what?
Hope. I’m learning, and I’m grateful for tipping points, even when they come in the form of silly paper scribbles. God’s showing me that I can confide in Him, and I’m most definitely not done yet. Yes, there will be more memories to fill up those pages once again! He’s teaching me how to focus on Him, and not my situations. If God is for me, who can be against me?
I don’t know if you struggle with this like I do, but if you do, there is most definitely hope. I’m going to work on emptying my frustrations before I reach my tipping point. The best part? God never gets tired of receiving those frustrations. It opens up a way for Him to heal me, before I cry over lost journals, or the last cookie being eaten, or missing TV show because I forgot. I’m so thankful that God loves me even in my crazy. It’s my favorite, God is so good!
Thanks for hanging out with me! I hope you have a great day, and join me in pouring out before the overflow. It should be fun!
(P.S. If you’re interested in helping me recreate all my old journals, you’re most welcome to. I’ll take a hug and maybe a coffee to combat the loss if you don’t have the necessary journal reconstruction time. Okay, that may
be the crazy talking… I will accept the coffee regardless though.)